hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
