Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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