My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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