me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Boobs speak an international language.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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