I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think my moral compass just broke
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