I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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