if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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