My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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