i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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