Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
