the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't tell me you're on acid again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
