Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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