Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
