i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
