Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That accounts for only three of the penises
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
