the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
