my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize