was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
