I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
