you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
