If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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