And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
