No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
