i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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