The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
