The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
