nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
