There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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