How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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