I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
