I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can Purell be used as lube?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
