i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
