I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
