Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
