I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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