I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
