hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
