I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
