i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
