Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
