Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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