my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude. I can hear the air.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
