She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
