Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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