I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
