Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
