I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your cock deserves a montage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
