I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
