I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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