my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
