Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
