Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
