Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
