The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
