oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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