if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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