We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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