Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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