So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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