sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
