My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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