whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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