In the future we'll all be gay
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
