That's when you crack a 10am beer
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
