He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
