She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
