Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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