That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
