i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
